The Woes of Bird Life

Dear Miss Superiority,

I was left in a state of annoyance upon finishing your litany of arrogance. ‘It’s so easy’ and ‘I do what I want when I want’ were quite bad enough. You then added insult with ‘I don’t know why you struggle so.”

Allow me to explain, though I’m sure it will simply entertain rather than enlighten you. As a birdshifter, my daily experiences are quite different to yours. I am marred with obligation you know nothing about. Can you comprehend what it is like to have your nest continuously relocated by “Shifter Rights” advocates? All of them seem to believe I’d be happier surrounded by nature. I cannot convince them I like the library roof.

I even went as far as attempting to live like you, in an apartment. Simply unacceptable. All of a sudden I was introduced to “cleaning”, what a waste of time. Simply to remain in one place required me to direct large portions of my day to removing shed feathers and carcasses. I need the open air for my nest.

And what would you, with your predator’s instincts, know of food scarcity? The humans are forever headed towards a “safe society”, which means alleyway murders are at an all time low. I am a scavenger, not a predator, yet I find myself having to lure humans into an accident more and more frequently. Yes I could consume the various rodents and marsupials littering the city, as you so readily pointed out, but why? There used to be more than enough humans, I’ll not lower my standard of eating now. Please, I beseech of you, invite me the next time you are hunting in a campground.

Though truly, the bane of my existence are the other birds. You need only deal with your pride. When in bird form I am at the mercy of all and any feathered fool who wishes to give me their life story. It is always the same story with Pigeons, as they are too stupid to come up with anything new. The finches act like five year olds and the kookaburras are bullies. Only the magpies are worth talking to, but even they are subject to impulse and dart off halfway through a sentence. 

I dare not leave this cesspit, for at least there is some food here and the humans are amusing at times. I do not know what concentration of people can be found outside of it. I may take you up on your offer to host me, if only to see what life is like outside of concrete and steel.

434 Words